I want to be my best

Everybody goes through cycles of loving wow, slowly loosing interest and then getting that spark back that serves as motivation to take another crack at it again. I never quite stop playing, but I do play less and more, depending on how much I enjoy playing. At the moment, I’m getting back into the ‘can’t wait for the raid to start’ mood with my potions, flasks, reagents and buff food in full stacks and different varieties and my bags crammed with various trinkets and other pieces of gear to swap around as required to buff certain stats at certain times during the night. I wish I had more time to play and when I’m stuck in bed, like I have been for a while and unable to lift my head, like yesterday, let alone run the daily random heroic or even contemplate raiding on raid night, it gets a little frustrating. It’s at times like these that I’m reminded that there’s more to raiding than just showing up for a raid to get a nice upgrade or two. On most days, I can fish, craft my epic gem of the day through alchemy, do my Jewelcrafting and/or cooking or farm a few herbs until I have enough frost lotus for two (A raiding mage with a full-time day job also needs his flasks). A very nice post on my guild forums recently has made me think again about all the things outside of raiding that I can do to keep up. It made me realize that even when I feel as if I’m doing nothing to contribute because I can’t raid as many nights as I would like, I can do quite a bit to keep my character in shape.

I’m obsessing about haste at the moment. My crit is too high and my haste is too low and has been for quite some time. The reason for that is that I choose upgrades regardless of stats. If an item has +int, +stam, +spirit, I’ll take it if nobody else wants it even when it has crit and no haste, particularly if it’s an upgrade of an item that already only has crit and no haste and a lot of my items fit that bill. Should I spend DKP on this? I’ve always thought so, because I feel that every little extra bit helps the raid and I’d rather not hold out for a better upgrade when one is about to be disenchanted. If someone else rolls, I’ll skip, but when nobody does, it always feels like such a waste of good gear. I know that as long as I follow this policy, my stats are going to be skewed and so for the first time, I’ve made the decision not to. I didn’t buy the level 264 crit cloak with badges because it doesn’t have haste. It’s a big upgrade, but n haste, no buy. I bought the trinket and will hold out for a +haste cloak, however long that may take.

I do everything I can down to defragging my computer regularly, reviewing my addons, macro’s, UI layout, spell rotation, reading up on new content as it comes out and paying as much attention when playing as I can. I practice running around whilst healing for specific fights outside of raids, oh man do I hate Rotface with a passion when I’m trying to heal whoever is kiting the oozes, but I know I’ll get there and one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, I’ll do it perfectly with ease and think back with a chuckle on how I struggled to master it at the start. I’ve been lying in bed and between learning how to say ‘restaurant, hotel and I don’t speak Spanish and I don’t understand’ in Spanish, I’ve been thinking about the ICC and ToC hc fight mechanics, trying to familiarize myself with the movement and play style required whilst all the time trying to find ways to make it easier and me a more effective player.

It still annoys me that whenever new content is out, I’m scared to sign up for raids, knowing that I’ll be crying at the end of the night. But that’s life. No matter what I’m doing, bad things will invariably happen. I was trying out the Brutal Legend multiplayer content with a friend a few nights ago and when my wrist dislocated, I yelled over my mic, stop playing, which ironically didn’t work so well as my mic wasn’t working, but the sentiment remains. If I can’t play, neither should you. We later swapped to co-op mode in castle crashers so that when I stopped playing, he could pick up the slack for me, which worked well except that my poor character falls further behind in xp, keeps dying despite hogging all the food and has no money, but I’m sure we’ll balance that out with practice. I’d better get better, but I am sure I will. It is easy to let someone else do more for me when it’s just one person that I spend a lot of time with and trust with my character’s life, fame and riches, it is not so easy when it’s 9 or 24 other people who owe me nothing. In both cases though, I don’t want to be the baggage. Allowing myself time and space to learn is really difficult, but I think I’m finally getting there. I’m signing up, whether it’s for a raid or a duo in castle crashers, I’m not sitting on the side-lines any more just watching. I’ll never be an excellent player, but then that’s not really the point of playing. And there is always room for improvement. I’ve been playing wow for two years now and I am still getting better at it. And that’s the fun part.


4 thoughts on “I want to be my best

  1. I think you’re being too hard on yourself… given the content you’re doing, I’m sure you’re already better than most healers I know. I’m not sure if my guess is right, but it looks like your guild is friendly. Mine is too, and we only resent it when people fail out of stupidity. While as far as I know we don’t have any players with disabilities, we do have a few with families, and I don’t remember anyone commenting when the tank had to go afk because her/his baby was crying… I’m sure your guildies appreciate your effort and are willing to cut you some slack from time to time, since you’re obviously doing your best.

    P.S. If it’s any comfort, I have sucky whack-a-mole reflexes and I’ve caused a few wipes in my time. We all do it, no one expects you to be perfect.

  2. Lil,

    We, well at least I, am proud to have you at our side during these last couple of months and countless wipes, learning new bosses and encounters.

    You are an Oak which stands out amongst the rest of the forest.

    Remember that.

    Mjollnir (MJ)

  3. It is good to hear you say this. I have also been struggling with “am I good enough to raid” recently, since the Dungeon Finder has exposed my aging reflexes and slower learning speed to the criticism of random lightning-reflex teens.

    You are my hero. You are running content I want to be. :) And you do it, even if it is hard and the raid wipes. I can’t count the number of boss fights I have watched laying on the floor, while the RL says we need more dps. Ugh!

    You inspired me to get my tree to 80 and I’m doing Naxx level stuff while I gear up.

    Keep going!

  4. Thanks for the very nice comments. I am in a friendly guild, nowhere else I’d rather be, but it’s not their opinion that I worry about, it’s mine :) It does help to know that I’m not the only one with sucky reflexes.

    I’m not sure about being an inspiration, mostly I just complain my way through well, most things, but I’m glad that you got your tree to 80 Jeanne and just hang in there, once you’ve started raiding, ICC is just a blink away from Naxx; just find yourself the right guild ;)

    And MJ, I’ll remember. Thank you.

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