I’m in, but I have to be back by eight

With all the cold and snow, not surprisingly, I’m sick. I don’t do sick very gracefully and so I’m miserable. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and breathe and having spent a few days in a sleep deprived haze of mild head-achy confusion, I’ve abandoned any thought of a normal routine and going  back to bed. Life in bed doesn’t look that much different from normal life. Books, movies and gaming is still my main form of entertainment. I sometimes aspire to reduce my time spent in front of a computer, but as I lie on the couch covered in blankets and cat watching old episodes of Chuck, my phone beeps and vibrates. It reminds me a little of the Meg Ryan movie You’ve got mail and how novel I thought that to be when I saw it the first time, not being familiar with anything like it at the time. Chris asks text? and I say nope, I’ve got mail. Chris says, I thought we were spending time away from the computer. We are, dear, I say and pick up my phone with a smile.

When your whole life is just a computer away, it’s harder to be sick and miserable, but much easier to get be easily distracted. I was going to rest my hands yesterday as having slipped and fallen over in the snow onto my wrists did bad things, but then Dragon was acting up and I got frustrated again and so I typed, much much more than I should have. I was going to get an early night, but I tanked my daily random heroic, caught my sister and a couple of friends in-game and then got distracted by just one more level of Trine.  I finally went to bed in the early morning hours only to lie awake all night, thinking that breathing really should be easier than it is and why does being sick always come with a smashing headache.

I vividly remember coming down with the flu as a child. It more often than not went into my chest and then I had either chronic bronchitis or pneumonia for weeks. It wasn’t fun. My mom used to hold me upright most of the night so I could sleep without stopping to breathe, my dad would come home from work in the afternoons and spend some time reading to me, but mostly I’d just be in bed, by myself, trapped with my thoughts; alone. My friends would stop by with less and less frequency as it’s rather boring visiting someone that’s sick. They can’t do anything, they’re too miserable and tired to really get enthusiastic about any conversation and mostly they just complain about bright lights and loud noises. I didn’t mind. It was rather depressing to listen to how well their daily lives were going on without me in it.

It’s nice that some things have changed. It’s nice that I can be on-line as much as I want and keep doing the things that I love doing. I can play a little, particularly platform games like Trine, pausing whenever I need to for as long as I have to. I can watch TV in bed, read a book or listen to an audio book when I can’t hold an actual book and mostly, I can keep talking to the people that I care about. I can log into WoW for a short while just to do the daily stuff that I seem to enjoy doing again. I can access my email and chat from either my desktop, laptop or phone and stay in touch. I no longer feel as if life goes on without me when other people tell me about their lives. It’s now more a feeling that I get to live a small piece of their lives as they regale the sometimes interesting and sometimes mundane but to me still interesting dialogue of their day.

I haven’t slept at all in more than 24 hours and although I still spend a few hours at night lying awake, trying to finding something calming and soothing and mostly failing miserably, it’s no longer most of the night and most of the day. Life doesn’t stop, it most definitely slows down, but that’s okay.

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