Patch day and the first thing I did after running around for a little bit, including popping into the barbershop, was the daily heroic. I’ve been very aware that I’ve fallen behind or rather, I’ve never quite caught up with everybody else. I started raiding in WotLK almost two months after everybody else. I was still a few pieces short on gear when Ulduar arrived and for the most part, whilst everybody else has been gearing up, I’ve been not raiding enough to keep up. This patch is a catch-up patch. Whilst everybody else is complaining about how all their hard work to get their gear will be made insignificant by idiots farming heroics for the same gear and then stepping into Ulduar already half-way there and hence more likely to succeed quicker, I’m gleeful and giddy. I can spend a little time and effort running 5-mans between raids, pick up a few crafted pieces and not feel as if I’m ten steps behind when it should just be one or two. I want to play because I like playing and it’s not fun when I feel as if I’m constantly playing catch up. Until I realize that I’m not. Not really. If I stop to think, I realize that the most fun I have is when I stop worrying about where I fit in with regards to other players and realize that it doesn’t really matter. I’m not a bad player. I know my resto druid. I know what gear I have and what it’s capable of and where the next upgrade is. I know the game pretty well. I fail sometimes on the execution, but everybody makes mistakes and at some point, I learned how to just shrug and move on when I screw up.
I got a little depressed today because I went to bed with a headache and woke up with it too. I tried to remind myself that it’s not me that’s depressing, but my life can be sometimes and that’s not a problem. Life doesn’t have to be easy to be worthwhile. Life is different for me and yes, some things are harder, but not everything and harder than it is for whom? Where did I find that bench mark I keep measuring myself against? People always say “I’m not as sick as you, but…” and it annoys me that they employ a bench mark, why should I be allowed? It annoys me because you cannot walk in someone else’s shoes and different people are just different and what’s hard for you may not be as hard for me. Chris kept glaring at me all afternoon as I kept playing despite my wrist and finger joints clicking in and out. He frowned and I glared back. It is what it is. I put things back in and kept playing.
I got a new piece of gear. I got another cute small pet. I dc’ed on patch day. I chewed virtual bubble gum whilst standing around waiting for Arthras. I ran around in cat form trailing little flowers over the snow whilst doing dailies in Storm Peaks. It reminded me again why I like playing WoW. I get to do things in-game without the consequences they have in real life. I can chew bubble gum on a character and not dislocate my jaw in the process. I can run without falling over. I played more than I should have today. I messed up my wrist a little more because pain is a price I’m willing to pay and I’m finally content with the fact that it’s a currency I have to take into account. Life isn’t easy, it’s not fair, it’s not a game, not really and for the first time in a while today I logged in not to escape out of my life, but to enjoy a different way of living it.