Mother Nature doesn’t care if you’re having fun

Some days are pretty easy, others require work. Working to stay positive, to get something done, to make plans for the future, to spend time with the people that matter to you. And every now and again, I have one of those days where I realize late at night that the day would have been best served if I just hadn’t tried to do anything at all.

I wouldn’t have dislocated my thumb and wrist horribly if I hadn’t tried to cook. I wouldn’t have fainted if I hadn’t tried the ‘mind over matter’ stubbornness because I was tired of giving in. I wouldn’t have missed that step if I hadn’t tried to act like everything was fine. I wouldn’t have a splinted wrist if I hadn’t tried to put it back in three times and got it very wrong each time. I wouldn’t have had all the arguments I had with the people that matter if I hadn’t tried to explain what was going on in the most reasonable tone whilst desperately trying not to have a complete emotional meltdown.

It’s definitely been the worst day yet this year. I still find that surprising. I would expect crises days to be the worst, but it’s the aftermath that’s tricky to manage; the snowball effect that just keeps snowballing. I’m not a fan of depressive self-indulgence and do my best to refrain from morbid soliloquies. I wish I could pluck an optimistic life affirming quotation out of a hat, but I can’t. I can give a nod to David Weber when in The short victorious war he writes “But the universe wasn’t really unfair, she thought, and her mouth quirked. It just didn’t give much of a damn one way or the other.”

I don’t know why bruises and dislocations hurt more than strains, sprains and dislocations or why concussions are harder to muddle through peacefully than headaches, but I know that there is no nemesis. I could say what Alice says “I realized suddenly that I was in an impossible situation, and there was really no way out. No acceptable way. I could not go on — so I stopped.” Alice was talking about her suicide, but stopping can mean different things. Stop analyzing, stop talking, stop trying too hard, stop alienating people. It often feels like an impossible situation and there really is no way out, but when I can’t go on, I can stop. Just for a little while. Until I can go on again.

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7 Comments

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  1. Thanks for sharing this blog with us.

  2. There is not much you can say to that kind of blog if it isn’t “Thanks”.

    Life isn’t always what we want it to be, it’s that kind of perspective that makes us change the way we look at our own actions.

    Thanks once more.

  3. Wow, someone else who uses random Piers Anthony quotes =) I’ve got to read that book again!

    I’m sure you’ll get a lot of visitors due to WoWInsider. I’ll definitely be keeping up with your blog. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live with your condition, but I love the fact that anyone, no matter their situation, can jump into this game and just have fun. We can all have something in common, no matter how different we are.

  4. I came across this website because of WoWinsider, and to be honest, I can not imagine what it is for you. Everyday there are some people in my guild who complain about tiny things in life and think their life is tough… but it’s people like you who really have it tough. Truthfully you are an inspiration for the majority of WoW players. I hope things look up for you soon and maybe one day the things you have to deal with on a daily basis will somehow become easier, or there is a way to cure it, but for now, I guess thank you as well.

    Take care of yourself and also you found your self a good person with chris. I only read your blog today and not all of it, but from what I can tell his a great person as well. Take care.

  5. /hug

    Bic of Baelgun

  6. Thanks for your insight. I think I have finally have the courage to stop.

  7. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    I’m not holding out much hope that maybe one day the things I have to deal with will somehow get easier, but I do think that the better I deal with it, the easier it gets, so that’s something.

    linkemphraigh – there’s nothing wrong with stopping for the occasional break. And usually starting again is a little easier than it is to try and keep going without ever stopping.

    And Kiryn, surely everybody uses random Piers Anthony quotes.

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