I started to have a pretty bad asthma attack very early in an Oculus run last night. I wasn’t that worried, it happens too often for me to make an issue out of it, but when we died on trash because I was using my inhaler and not casting, it started to really bother me. It didn’t occur at this point to worry about my breathing, I was worrying about my performance and reputation.
If I was someone else, or possibly, if I was Chris, or maybe if I was a little more sensible and smarter, I would have stopped right there and asked to be replaced. Stubborn that I am, I decided that it would improve in a minute or two and all will be well. First boss fight was not exactly smooth or easy, but we managed fine. Somewhere after that point I stopped worrying about healing and started worrying about not being able to breathe. On reaching the point where I couldn’t breathe at all and the inhaler wasn’t yet again, I realized that adrenaline shot time had snuck up on me. It went rapidly downhill from there.
I got upset over having to stop. I got upset over not being able to breathe. I got upset because my wrist was dislocated and I couldn’t talk Chris through how to relocate it so he got it wrong and made it worse. Upset is not good at all. Adrenaline shot worked, but the after effects are truly awful. The more upset I am, the worse I deal with it. I was very upset.
Chris found it odd that I got even more upset when he tried to log me out of WoW. The instance run had fallen apart in a not too awful way as I was mostly playing with friends who understand that I don’t stop for just any asthma attack. I sat staring at my screen. The blue and dragons of Coldarra is some of my favourite in-game places and watching it was oddly calming.
Warcraft has been one of the best distractions I’ve ever had. It focuses my attention, makes me think about what I am doing rather than about how I am feeling and provides quite a few desirable opportunities for fun. It’s the place where I can do things that I can’t actually do outside of it. Staring at the vivid blues of Coldarra I realised that I was collecting memories and saving them for the not so good days, like today. I go back to my favourite spots, I think about the cool and the funny stuff that has happened ingame. I read the lore and a multitude of blogs and the characters of warcraft has earned a spot on my mental bookshelf along the characters from my favourite books – Honor Harrington (and Nimitz), Mike O’Neal, Prince Roger, Edeard, Greg Mandel. I pull out the fun things when life gets a little too real and it’s a strategy that hasn’t failed me yet.